IT was the former Australian Prime Minister, Paul Keating who once described Australia as the Arse End of the Earth, and if you look carefully at the map, you must admit he was onto something.
An aerial photo shows a view of the Sydney Opera House from the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Pic: AP.
Somewhere on the left hip of Australia, you have Perth, on the right buttock, you have Melbourne, and the less said about Adelaide, the better.
So, if you are planning to come to Australia, where would you go?
To me, it’s hard to argue with that dour Yorkshireman, Lieutenant James Cook. Having travelled all around the world, it wasn’t easy to impress old Jim, but he had no doubt that the best place in the whole continent to set up camp was Sydney.
While Jim told everyone back home that Botany Bay was the place to come, those Europeans arriving in the First Fleet were astonished to find there was an even better spot – a magnificent harbour – only a few nautical miles up the road.
A trip to Sydney is not complete without sampling some meat pies. Pic: AP.
When the First Fleet arrived, the new arrivals reportedly decided to celebrate their good fortune with a drunken orgy on the beach while lightning flashed around them. In the ensuing years, not really all that much has changed. By this I mean that Sydney always was, and still is, Australia’s premier destination, and when you get here, you’ll probably feel like celebrating. Everybody else, let’s face it, is just camping out.
Of course, like most big cities, Sydney can be noisy, smelly and inconvenient. However, to me, you can’t really feel like you are part of a place until you immerse yourself in it – literally. This is why Sydney beats Brisbane and Melbourne – where most people will never ever consider getting themselves wet in the glorified drains that are their town rivers and bays.
When you come to Sydney, of course, you need to check out the harbour, visit Bondi Beach, The Rocks area, and take a ferry ride. These are all things you will find in any guidebook.
But here are a few modest suggestions from a Sydney-sider about some of the best but less well publicised things to do in our fair city:
* If you are visiting Bondi Beach, don’t stand around like a tourist taking photographs – go for a swim. If you are not so keen about starring in an upcoming episode of Bondi Rescue, try the sea pools at each end, or head south on the Bondi to Waverley Walk. Quench your thirst at the Bondi Icebergs club at the southern end.
If you go to Bondi Beach, you have to take a swim. Pic: AP.
* Go for a swim in one of Sydney Harbour’s exclusive little bays that the locals don’t want you to know about. Two such highly recommended spots are Redleaf Pool in Double Bay and Parsley Bay in Vaucluse.
* At some point, you ought to buy an Australian meat pie for lunch. Don’t forget to ask for tomato sauce. Use your hands, eat it from the paper bag, and try not to burn your mouth.
* Instead of spending a fortune on a Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb, consider taking a free walk across it on the pedestrian walkways. The money you save would be well spent on a meal at a restaurant overlooking the harbour on the strip near the Opera House. If you have kids, spend some time at the harbourside fun park on the northern side, Luna Park.
Sydney Harbour Bridge, a lovely place for a walk. Pic: AP.
* Like all proper cities, Sydney has a number of interesting suburbs with cultural identities. If you’re into the multicultural thing, you might like to visit Chinatown in the Haymarket, the Italian community in Leichardt, or the Vietnamese community in Cabramatta. There is some ethnic eats to be found in Sydney’s suburbs.
* Get a feel for the accommodation our ancestors used to stay in during their compulsory visits to Sydney at the Hyde Park Barracks. While you’re in the vicinity, marvel at the nearby New South Wales State Parliament, home to the world’s least competent elected government.
* Hire a car and head up – or down – the coast. So long as you don’t stop too close to the industrial mullock heaps we call Newcastle and Wollongong, you will find yourself in a delightful part of the world. If you get to Brisbane or Melbourne, remember, you’ve gone too far.
